Voice of Real Australia is a regular newsletter from ACM, which has journalists in every state and territory. Today's is written by ACM national reporter Maddy Fogarty.
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I'm standing in Service NSW for the second time this week and have decided, after 'crunching the numbers' that running a crime syndicate might in fact be less complicated than registering my car in NSW.
After moving interstate, moving house followed by a frolic around Europe and finally a quick jaunt in hospital, I decided I'd run out of excuses and could put it off no longer.
It was time to admit, dear readers, that I now live in NSW.
Anxiety: one, Maddy: zero, Victoria: heartbroken.
If you're unaware of the intricate inner workings of government service departments and would like to continue living in a state of blissful ignorance, maybe stop reading here.
In theory, there are six steps you need to take when registering your car in NSW.
In reality, all of those steps have additional variables. Confusing? Hell yes.
The first step is filling out the application form for either a NSW licence or a transport customer number.
Step two is to visit Service NSW to submit your form.
Hot tip, check what time your closest centre opens and aim for then. I had a few false starts after thinking I could slip into the Marrickville operation 30 minutes before closing. I can confirm the welcome-maitre de person will turn you away.
If you chose option a) get a NSW licence route like I did, also remember you need a new photo and it is passport rules. It's going to take a while before I'm no longer haunted by the phrase "now this time with a neutral expression".
But don't worry because you're done with steps one and two and what I call "phase one" is now complete.
Anxiety: one, Maddy: one. Victoria: still heartbroken.
Phase two (i.e. steps three through six) is where you need to have a good grasp on the "slip system".
The "slip system" of course refers to the million (read: three) different slips you must have to be legally registered in NSW.
There's the blue slip or in ye old English, the roadworthy certificate, you'll need if you're from interstate like myself.
The pink slip - also a roadworthy - is for some locals but not all.
And the good old green slip otherwise known as CTP.
This is what New South Welshpeople call compulsory third party insurance (compulsory = must have) and it's step three.
You'll likely be forking out more than $500 for CTP and it is compulsory to have, so make sure you budget.
*Pause reading here to have a short cost of living breakdown*
Now, it's time to start dialling mechanics.
Step four is the blue slip and, if you're registering a "light vehicle" like I am, will cost you $73.
You need a blue slip if you're transferring your registration from another state.
You do not need a blue slip and a pink slip, you need one or the other.
You only need to get a pink slip if your car is five years or older once it is registered in NSW (something to look forward to next year).
If you're feeling fancy, step three and four can be done simultaneously, and a quick search of the interwebs will tell you if your local mechanic does blue slips.
A phone call is also an option, but if you're like me and get a bit trigger happy with the call button if there's someone who can answer all of your anxiety-driven questions on a specific topic I would avoid it. To my mechanic, I am so sorry, I promise you won't hear a peep from me until my next service.
So, you're already down at least $573 at this point and I'm still standing at the Service NSW desk.
Enter step five.
You may feel a little deja vu here, as you fill out another Service NSW form to transfer your registration. It should pass with a deep breath. And with the completion of step five the finish line has appears, you move onto step six and you can join me at the counter.
Armed with your green slip, your blue slip, your registration transfer forms, proof of your interstate registration, proof of identification (I used my passport and medicare card) and any concession cards necessary, grab a ticket and roll on up to one of the friendly fellows in a red button down shirt.
It might be best to sit down for the next piece of information. Between the cost of new plates, registering your vehicle for a year and the additional motor tax for "interstaties" you'll be forking over at least $400. For me it was a bit more.
We're pushing $1000 at this point as I stand, staring at the man across the desk, which is when I decide once and for all that running a crime syndicate would in fact be simpler than registering my car in NSW.
Why?
Mob bosses can delegate.