How can I possibly be tipsy on a single glass of champagne? That's the first-world conundrum I'm battling on day one of my week-long voyage aboard Princess Cruises' Majestic Princess. Historically speaking, I'm much better at this. It usually takes a few glasses for me to reach this level of ditzy-ness. But something's off today.
Maybe it's time of the day ... 8am. I have been having "champagne breakfast", after all, complete with flaky pastries, piles of smoked salmon, freshly baked quiches, liberally buttered bagels, colourful tarts ... and that bottle of bubbles, all of it delivered to my balcony stateroom.
Or maybe I'm just getting old. But all my concerns are put to rest when I hear the captain speak from the ship's speakers. It's not the time of the day or the amount of time I have spent on earth; it's the choppy waters.
You see, I'm on a seven-night cruise from Adelaide to Sydney, via Hobart, and - rather annoyingly - the exact moment of my champagne breakfast has coincided with our passage through the infamously restless waters of the Bass Strait. The captain says all passengers should exercise caution, but - frankly speaking - the crisis is over for me and I pour another glass. Not-being-able-to-walk-in-a-straight-line be damned!
This is my first Princess experience and - other than the brutal swell of the strait separating Tasmania from mainland Australia - it's full of pleasant revelations, chief among them is how delightful it can be to cruise on a family-friendly ship when there are hardly any kids onboard; that is, outside of the school holidays period.
There's a bevy of swimming spots onboard the ship - from a glamorous indoor pool flanked by head-turning sculptures on deck 17 and steaming alfresco hot tubs on deck 16 to my absolute favourite: the vitality pool at the vessel's swank Enclave spa. But at no point do I have to elbow through a crowd. In fact, on many occasions, I can have these pools all to myself. Considering there are about 3.5K other passengers on this ship as long as five football fields put together - lengthways - that's seriously impressive. But perhaps the biggest revelation is how rewarding (and relaxing!) it can be to explore your own backyard as part of a cruise.
No expensive travel insurances, foreign currencies or haggling at the markets. Nothing lost in translation and no pressure whatsoever to tick off long lists of must-dos. And best of all? You can always guarantee a good coffee, particularly in Melbourne, which turns out to be our first port of call.
The Victorian capital has turned up the wow factor with a crystal-clear blue sky, just as I arrive at the Royal Botanic Gardens as part of a small-group excursion that - in a matter of hours - manages to string together three of Melbourne's top obsessions: coffee, art and food.
After a stellar flat white at the newly opened Terrace cafe - with views of the Ornamental Lake - we weave our way through some of the city's most eclectic laneways, including Hosier Lane with stop-you-in-your-tracks street art, before ending up at Citta, where the effervescent staff are as endearing at the hearty Italian mains.
There are 150 beaches on the Sapphire Coast. It took me five months to visit them all.
A couple of days later we land in Hobart and once again our day tour somehow manages to capture the best of the city - from an aimless wander through the seaside Salamanca Market to a survey of David Walsh's weird and wonderful art at MONA. A long leisurely lunch at the onsite Faro Bar and Restaurant, complete with a theatrical performance by a tarot card reader, is particularly entertaining.
But of all the onshore excursions, it's probably the stopover in Eden that's most memorable. Located on NSW's glorious Sapphire Coast, it's more than six hours' drive from both Melbourne and Sydney, and about 3.5 hours from Canberra, but from my home for the week, moored today in the shimmering Twofold Bay, it's just a 10-minute tender away.
As soon as I land on the wharf I'm looking up real estate prices - the waters and the sky are that breathtakingly blue and mesmerising here. And Ken Connell of Eden Buses tour company assures me I'm not alone.
"I came here 32 years ago from Queensland for a holiday and didn't go back," he says. "And how could I? There are 150 beaches on the Sapphire Coast. It took me five months to visit them all," he tells me on our way to Disaster Bay Chillies, a stunning stretch of farm and factory, where we taste, among other things, chilli marmalade, jalapeno jam, chipotle sauce and - hold your breath! - chilli wine.
At first, it tastes just like any red wine. But there's zing in the tail: a sudden burst of heat at the back of my throat. I am not so sure in the beginning, but the beverage grows on me and I end up not only finishing a glass but also buying two bottles to take home.
From French sparking to chilli wine, this turned out to be quite the cruise.
SNAPSHOT
THE SHIP: Princess Cruises' Majestic Princess
THE SIZE: 1830 cabins, 3560 guests, 330 metres long
GOOD TO KNOW: Sydney will be the homeport of Majestic Princess from November to April 4, 2024, and Australian dollar is the onboard currency, meaning you won't have to worry about currency conversions.
GET ON BOARD: Itineraries such as the seven-day Sydney-to-Sydney voyage, with pitstops in Hobart and Eden, are from $1454 per person.
EXPLORE MORE: princess.com
The writer was a guest of Princess Cruises.
This article first appeared in Explore.
