They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but you can teach an old man new ideas - just ask Ray King.
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The 93-year-old has been a member of one of Wagga's three OM:NI (Older Men: New Ideas) groups for more than two decades.
OM:NI is a network of COTA affiliated groups which aim to keep men socially connected in old age, combating social isolation and encouraging them to open up and listen to others.
Dr King played an instrumental role in establishing not only the three Wagga Wagga groups, but also helping to set up groups throughout the Riverina region of NSW. He has also been unofficially dubbed the head of OM:NI in NSW.
Formerly an Associate Professor at Sydney University, Ray moved to Wagga at the age of 60 when he was asked to join the team at the newly established Charles Sturt University.
About 22 years ago he heard about a meeting COTA NSW was holding in Sydney about recreational activities for older men and ways for them to stay involved in the community.
"I thought at the time that might be a really good thing to know about, so I went down and it turned out it was [an] OM:NI [meeting]."
Dr King said the "new ideas" referenced in the OM:NI title referred primarily to two things - learning to listen and learning to share with others in "confidence and trust".
"We found that [most] men don't listen at all. Women do, but men don't," he said.
"Listening is really important and sharing follows on from that, because you can't really share until you're listening to what the other person is saying."
Meeting once a fortnight, Ray said OM:NI groups discussed a range of issues.
Meetings start with handshakes, followed by a period of quiet time for the men to sit and gather their thoughts. Members then take turns sharing what they have done over the past two weeks and raising any issues they have. This is followed by a "confidential" session where men can share personal and private things.
"No one's allowed to interrupt them and whatever they say has to be kept within the group," he said.
Each meeting also features coffee time, where men can talk one on one, or in smaller groups, and discussion on a special topic, which can range from nostalgic chats about schooling or favourite cars, to deeper conversations on things like father son relationships in the 1930s.
Dr King said men could discuss just about anything at group meetings, apart from politics or religion. Members talk about health issues, or just about anything they find challenging about modern life.
"Creating a fellowship of older men who help one another come to grips with issues of living - that's really what we do," he said.
A lot of us are depression kids, so the focus is [often] on... how to cope with possessions and spending money, that sort of thing.
"We've all learned you hang onto every penny. It's a different sort of philosophy when you look at 1960s kids."
Wagga members have also established a weekly coffee group where all members are welcome to come along and discuss anything, including politics or religion.
The groups have also supported a number of men who have developed dementia, allowing them to remain members for as long as possible.
For six years, OM:NI also ran meetings for men at the RSL Remembrance Village, which caters for men and women who are unable to care for themselves. Unfortunately, COVID put a stop to the meetings in 2020.
"From our experience with residential care, we came to realise that activities seemed to be planned in which the female residents could engage but there were insufficient appropriate activities for male residents," Dr King said.
"Some of the men admitted to the Village had previously been members of OM:NI groups. It was a privilege to catch up with them at the Village.
On a personal level, the group has been invaluable to Ray. His wife Clare passed away in 2018 and his three surviving children live in Queensland.
"OM:NI's... given me an opportunity to talk about things that are important to me and provided me a lot of support.
"When you go to the pub, people aren't interested. They don't talk about their own issues. In the group we can talk about things with confidence and that makes a lot of difference."
