Coping with grief and loss in the festive season

Grief can be triggered by any number of things, a scent, a song, a picture.

Those grieving often try to be upbeat for the benefit of other but that can be draining, said Palliative Care Australia's Chief Executive Liz Callaghan.

With so many celebrations and opportunities to meet up with friends and colleagues the pressure to be ‘happy’ all the time can be too much for people who may need some space.

“It’s important to only do what you can, and feel confident to miss events if you are not ready to face them," she said.

PCA has developed a list of seven tips for managing grief during the holiday season, offering strategies for coping with heightened feelings of loss during this period.

“Whether it’s the first time putting up the Christmas tree without your mother there or being reminded of the last time you all went shopping together for gifts, this time of year can be a trigger for grief and feelings of loneliness and loss.

“There are a number of tips, developed through interviews with psychologists, grief counsellors and social workers that can help people manage the festive season while still dealing with their grief,” Ms Callaghan said.

“The list also encourages Australians to actively remember their loved ones, through a song or sharing memories. They say ‘the life of the dead is in the memory of the living’ so recalling those closest to us through small acts can help.”

The seven tips for managing grief provides practical advice for self-care and strategies for dealing with grief. “Grief is normal and also experienced differently by each individual. However, if grief is stopping you from performing routine daily functions, it might be useful to seek professional help,” Ms Callaghan said.

Seven tips for managing grief during the holiday season

1. Acknowledge – remember those you have lost Talk about them, share memories, play a special song, light a candle, have their favourite drink and make a toast. Do something in memory of your loved one or continue a tradition you have once had with them.

2. Listen – to yourself and take some time for yourself Each person feels grief differently. If you need to be alone, take time off and be alone. If you want to be with friends, try to surround yourself with friends. Do whatever it is that you feel you need to do in that time.

3. Accept – the holiday season can be a time of mixed emotions Managing grief while the people around you are celebrating the season can be a real challenge. Accept that your grief is normal and reasonable and be cautious about being hard on yourself for feeling down, if you do. Allow yourself to feel guilt, anger, regret, sadness, but also joy and happiness. Only attend events where you feel comfortable. If you feel it is too difficult to join in on the day, do not force yourself – it is ok to say no and excuse yourself.

4. Talk – Start the conversation Your friends and family might not know how to talk to you about your loss. Take the first step to initiate the conversation about how you feel or talk about the person who has died so they know it is ok to raise the subject with you.

5. Recognise – Grief changes your world view When someone close to us dies it changes the way we look at and think about the world. Recognise that and acknowledge that you are trying to construct a new world view without that person’s physical presence in your life.

6. Remember the positive Remembering the positive memories of the loved one can be a good way to honour their life and memory. Grief can be overwhelming so balancing the pain and loss with positive memories can bring solace. Your good memories of someone can give your strength at this difficult time.

7. Seek help – if your feelings impact on your ability to carry out daily activities If you find that your grief impedes your capacity to perform routine daily functions, you may want to consider seeking professional support.

Services available during the holiday season:

Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement: 1300 664 7 www.grief.org.au

Beyond Blue: 1300 224 636 - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/who-can-assist

Carers Australia: 1800 242 636 www.carersaustralia.com.au

Government social worker: 132 850

Lifeline (24/7): 13 11 14 www.lifeline.org.au

Kids Helpline (24/7): 1800 55 1800 www.lifeline.org.au

Parentline: 1300 30 1300 www.parentline.com.au

Mensline (24/7): 1300 78 99 78 www.mensline.org.au

Sids and Kids Bereavement Support Line for parents who have lost a child (24/7): 1300 308 307 www.sidsandkids.org/bereavement-support