I've just about had it with my family. They're a load of mumblers!
They walk into a room mumbling... leave a room mumbling. And then have the hide to get angry with me when I ask them to repeat what they've said. I shouldn't have to put up with that.
And, of course, there's the TV. They can listen to their music as loud as you like, but if I ask someone to turn up the telly I get that stare and eye-roll. You know the look.
They reckon I talk loud. I tell them it comes from having to raise my voice to talk to my late parents - Dad had hearing loss thanks to his time serving our country in World War II and Mum... well let's put it down to very old age.
If only my lot would form their words correctly. The other day, one of them asked me something about a sandwich filling. Wrong. It wasn't ham they were referring to. It was spam on the email.
It's not my fault so many words sound the same - especially when the whispering mumblers are rabbiting on. They seem to get great joy out of speaking to me as they walk away. Don't they realise projecting their voice in the opposite direction is not conducive to clear, polite conversation?
"Mum, your mobile's ringing." "Did you hear the dog down the road barking last night?" "Are you deaf?"
I may have just turned 60 but that doesn't mean I'm going deaf, does it? Well, maybe I ask people to repeat what they're saying a little too often. And just maybe I don't always get it right.
Daughter: "Mum, do you like Paul Kelly?"
Me: "Yes, I love pork belly."
Strange looks followed by laughter all round - except yours truly. Hate to admit it, but perhaps it's time for a hearing check.