IT'S A well-known fact that grandparents love to spoil their grandchildren, whether it's plying them with too much sugar, or surprising them with yet another "no reason" present. It's part of their job description - and it's why our kids love them.
But what happens when visits to grandma come at a - literal - price.
That's exactly what happened to one mum, Burned by Grandma, who, upon collecting her daughter from a visit to her gran, was given an itemised invoice of expenses from her stay - and not a small one at that.
"I sent a cheque for $300 to my mother to cover my daughter's expenses during her visit," the American mum shared in a letter to the Washington Post's Dear Amy. "Upon my daughter's return, my mother sent me an invoice for $475.50 for additional expenses, including the cost of gas to and from the airport to transport her (45 minutes away), train tickets to go to the city to a museum and the cost of the museum admission."
Yep - Grandma somehow managed to rack up a bill more than twice what mum had budgeted for her daughter's stay. Now it's not clear from the letter just how long the little girl was visiting grandma and if $300 was sufficient to cover all those costs our kids incur - particularly during the holidays. And yet, Burned by Grandma certainly felt it was more than enough - and that her mum's behaviour was unfair.
Issuing the invoice was an act she described as "hurtful", noting that gran previously spent four months living with the family - all expenses paid.
"Neither of my siblings has a relationship with my mother because she is petty and doesn't respect boundaries — like a $300 budget," Burned by Grandma continued.
The mum also expressed how angry she was, in particular, to be charged for the petrol required to transport her daughter to and from the airport.
"My mother is a single woman (a retired college professor), and we have never asked her to pay for anything. We even write her a cheque for groceries when she hosts Thanksgiving dinner. Now I feel she has taken advantage of my generosity, and I don't trust her to spend time with my daughter because it is just too costly for me (financially and emotionally)."
How do I address her behaviour? she asked.
In response, columnist Amy Dickinson of Dear Amy advised Burned by Grandma that she would need to raise the issue directly with her mum.
"Your daughter's trip to see Grammy has cost you (I'm estimating) around $1,000, with plane tickets, plus the invoiced expenses incurred while she was there," she wrote, noting that there are a number of possible explanations for her actions.
While it could simply be related to her mum not feeling "financially secure" or concerned about "maintaining her own lifestyle in retirement," Amy suggested that there might be something more to it.
"Is this itemised bill her passive-aggressive way of telling you that she doesn't actually want to host your daughter for such a long visit?" she wrote.
The columnist also noted that addressing the concerns with her mum would force Burned by Grandma to make some tough decisions about future visits - and about their relationships more generally.
"Because your mother seems to communicate through monetising relationships, you'll simply have to decide whether this relationship between grandmother and granddaughter is one you can afford to foster."
